I probably shouldn’t be writing this article, because I probably should be dead or at least mentally incapable of writing something having spent three days in the presence of a broken Furby as an eight-year-old girl. Oh the pain of that Christmas week! Of course, being the unfortunate person that I am, my Furby malfunctioned and cried “Coco” for three days straight, turning my home into a disease of noise. The most prestige of screwdrivers was unable to shut it up, and St Stephen’s Day was spent playing a casual game of “Kill the Furby…by bashing it off the side wall of the house”. It took almost twelve hours for that ball of muddy fluff to die while we endured the occasional scream of demonic programmed words howling into the winds of the night.
And now, I regret to inform, the Furby is back. Only this time it’s reincarnated as a neon demon from what I can only assume is the evilest of hells. The modern Furby’s exterior cannot be trusted as a “cute, harmless children’s friend”. Covered in blue fluff, the 2012 Furby stands on cushioned feet and bares newly constructed horns–sorry, ears. They say the devil himself watches you from its LED eyes, and get this… it can learn. Similar to some kind of alien dictator, the Furby will translate its Furbish into English the more you talk to it. PLEASE DON’T TALK TO IT. In addition to this, he has several split personalities. The Furby will start into a terrifying series of convulsions and vibrations while informing you it’s changing before finishing its violent freak attack with a new voice. Very exorcism-ish. Definitely not for the faint hearted.
Maybe I’m paranoid but it appears to me this is the making of a toy version of Hitler. World War Furby is set to explode this coming Christmas. The fluffy dictator will set you back €72.99, if you desire to psychologically scar a family member or friend by giving it to them as a present. I expect I’ll turn into a recluse for the weeks following Christmas, protecting myself from the world of terror that unleashes outside.
Image Credits: GadgetyNews.com
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