These days there is more scandal and gossip on Dublin Bus than at the monthly parish community alert meeting. In fact, I’ve been exposed to so many weird and wonderful sights and sounds on the bus routes that I’ve began to question society as a whole. The shady corners and sticky seats of Dublin Bus have produced some of my favourite college-time giggles, so much so, that I’d almost write a letter to Dublin Bus congratulating them on attracting some of Dublin’s freakiest. I’ve compiled a list of my favourite Dublin Bus happenings, some of them my own experiences and some of them experiences of friends.
**All happenings are real but due to Studenty laws I’ve had to cut out much swearing.
1. A prostitute “wheeling and dealing” over the phone. My favourite quote from the conversation being, “I’ll be in all night so call over anytime, but like you said, once the wife is gone”.
2. A group of drunk and flirtatious 60+ women on their way into town for a night on the tiles in celebration of fellow drunk and flirtatious friend’s 60th. These women were so cheeky they began seducing a seated, slightly overly gorgeous young male passenger and asked him to “show us your stuff”.
3. A curious young girl turning to a pair of passengers behind her and shouting, “Could you please tell me how babies are made because my Mam is sick of me asking her?” much to the embarrassment of her mother.
4. A shifty young male on his mobile phone who quoted, “Yeah man, I’ll try and have this gear bought and sorted by the time the bus heads back into town”.
5. A young business woman on the phone discussing, overly loudly, the state of her menstrual cycle that week, “Ah flowing out of me like”.
6. A grown man talking to a box of hamsters on his lap on the number 11 out to Leeson Street.
7. Three Jehova’s Witnesses attempting to convert a pensioner at a bus stop on Dorset Street only for the old man to throw his paper at one of them and shouted, “Ah f**k off, if Jesus can save us all then why didn’t he save you from standing in dog crap?”, and pointed at a hefty lump of dog faeces attached to the man’s shoe.
8. An elderly woman on a busy bus who managed to jack-knife her mobility scooter in the bus corridor by somehow maneouvering herself into a sideways position, getting stuck and blocking passengers from getting off.
9. A fancy dress entourage that included all four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and a man dressed in an inflatable “feature point” of the male reproductive system who needed to be helped on to the bus by his amphibian friends due to the interference of two other parts of the male reproductive system restricting his ability to lift his feet on to the step.
My list of favourite Overheard on Dublin Bus stories are only a fragment of the wonders that Dublin Bus beholds. Other tales include a group of youths attempting to complete a Rock the Boat upstairs on the bus only to be kicked off at the next stop, an entourage of drunken students on their way to Quinns that managed to persuade the whole bus to join in chorus to the “Rattlin Bog”, many vomiting tales including a drunken young woman puking into a full Tesco shopping bag that belonged to the woman in front of her while she was completely unaware and a story of an Alsation that hopped on the bus at a stop in Dun Laoghaire only to use the bus corridor as a toilet before hopping off again.
Dublin Bus, supplying entertainment to students since 1987.
Photography Credits: Wikipedia Commons