At long last, the Eucharistic Congress 2k12 is here! Kicking off at the RDS with a great line-up of prayers and some of the most righteous men since Jesus, the next seven days are expected to be out of this world.
There was a great turn-out of 27 people at the RDS yesterday, where a mass was celebrated by Cardinal Mark “the party animal” Ouellet. Sister Agatha said: “Cardinal Ouellet says a good long mass. Four hours he does, since his stroke.”
Since Michael D Higgins was attending the opening ceremony in Poland for Ireland’s opening match, there were a lot of sour faces amongst the blessed pilgrims, but nevertheless it didn’t stop them from having the “best damn prayer session of their lives.”
Archbishop Diarmuid Martin, however, took the president’s absence to heart and resided to the holy quarters (the men’s toilets) for most of the day.
“God is in Ireland, not Poland,” stated a tearful Diarmuid.
“We’ll see just how well the Irish team does in the Euros now that Jesus is on our side. By the power invested in me, I summon the football overlord, Glog, to cast a deathly shadow over each one of the Irish players.”
80,000 Catholics are expected to attend next Sunday’s closing ceremony at Croke Park, where the main discussion will be centred around Dana’s presidential campaign for 2018.
1,000 tickets are yet to be sold for this miraculous event, and at just €10 a pop, you don’t want to miss out!
Now, please put your hands together for the Angelus.
Pic credit: Laura Hutton/Photocall Ireland