Not everyone is blessed with quick wit and the ability to strike with words of sarcasm and venom while they are stuck in an argument (real or otherwise). How many times have you been left feeling embarrassed because you could not think of anything funny or original to bite back with at your friend or the person you despise more than Monday mornings?
Are there times where you wish that insult would just roll off your tongue and cement your place as the awesome comeback queen/king amongst your friends? Insults are most effective when they come out of nowhere. Drop them in when the person is least expecting it and watch their reaction. Trust me: you will have to hold back the laughter as they recoil in surprise and bewilderment.
Put-downs and insults can just be a bit of banter and good fun with friends or family, but if you ever find yourself in a heated argument with an absolute moron, then maybe some of these chosen phrases and quotes may be of use to you. Not to mention they might make your “opposition” look like a dim-witted fool…
1. “If you don’t have low self-esteem, you should”.
2. “I’d listen more closely to what you have to say, but I keep getting distracted by all the flying diarrhoea”
3. “I heard you the first time, I was just ignoring you”
4. “Are you really this stupid, or do you just do it to annoy me?”
5. ”I’m sorry, who gave you permission to exist”
6. “Your voice is heavenly, if our eyes were cut off with a rusty blade”
7. “Hit me? You couldn’t hit snow off a rope”
8. “Sure you don’t know your arse from your elbow”
9. “I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass”
11. “I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?”
12. “You’re the reason no one wants human cloning”
13. “Hilarious, I’ll start laughing in the next decade”
14. “I’ve seen better hands on a leper!”
15. “Your birth cert is an apology from the condom factory”
Some insults from pop culture to further inspire you:
Father Jack Hackett-Father Ted: “Drink! Feck! Arse! Girls!”
Dr Perry Cox – Scrubs. Dr Elliot Reid: “I don’t think you understand the severity of the situation here. I am dangerously close to giving up men altogether.” Dr Cox: “Then on behalf of men everywhere – and I do mean everywhere, including the ones in little mud huts – let me be the first to say thanks and hallelujah.”
Dr Gregory House – House. “You can think I’m wrong, but that’s no reason to stop thinking.”
And of course, who has heard of the soul-destroying put downs from legendary Weakest Link host Anne Robinson. These one-liner would make anyone sit in the corner and cry.
“Who has a brain only a mother would love?”
“Who truly deserves the Domain name ignorant.com?”
“Who’s IQ test came back negative?”
“The questions are still very easy. The contestants are still very stupid?”
“Who would come third in a duel?”
In an argument, quick comebacks and hurtful remarks are sometimes necessary to come out on top. Do you agree?
Just remember this… The Lord loves you, but the rest of us think you’re an a$$hole…