And so you did it, put your brain into overdrive, stopped playing Skyrim and crammed all night until your eyes bled (or near enough anyway). You made your way to the exam hall, bleary-eyed, to be greeted by a generously supplied Nutri-Grain bar (the source of DCU students’ brain power). After paper-clipping a fiver and a photo of your naked self to your booklet, the games began.
After a ridiculously long month off, the time has arrived and a result hath come. Two situations will undoubtedly arise tomorrow – either 1) you’ll be so elated with your amazing brainpower that you actually explode or 2) you will have failed a module and find yourself becoming a temporary orphan to avoid telling Team Rage, aka the Parents.
1) Passing semester 1 is no simple task. It requires brains, brawn and a bit too much coffee to reach that much desired 40% in a subject. The first port of call for you is to immediately post a status on Facebook informing every one of your success. “Semester 1 in the bag!”, “Passed! Shots tonight!!”, “I’m smart and so now I must tell everyone..did I mention I’m a prick?” Your status should both enrage yet compel fellow students who have failed to like your status. Next you need to get yourself down to a shop, buy copious amounts of celebratory alcohol, and head out knowing you won’t be studying this summer. Also jump around a lot -just so people know that you’re a student.
2) If it does so happen that you fail, the SU has a number of facilities to help anxious students. However if you’re into more traditional methods of dealing with student woes, you should follow the age-old routine. Start by shouting expletives at inanimate objects who can feel no pain. Then you should undoubtedly post a status on Facebook (the reason for said failure) begging for money to pay for repeats. Having failed to get €200 and only receiving an offer of €2 in exchange for turning on your webcam, you must next ring those who must not be named – ma and/or da. Having survived either the awkward silence of disappointment or a rant to rival that of Ramsay himself, it is time to spend money you don’t have on alcohol you desperately need. When out, you need to bandy about the place in a frenzy of fake “I’m just relieved that it’s over”. Shouts of “See you in Summer!” will ring out and every man, woman and (maybe not) child will be on the warpath for a desperate “make me feel good about myself” shift.
Hopefully the network won’t crash tomorrow, hopefully everyone will be happy and look at it this way: pass or fail, at least you sat the exam at all.
How do you cope with getting your exam results??
(Image courtesy of Reuters)
[...] 5. Mary McDonnell’s Student Survival Guide continues, and this installment is all about results day. What happens if you don’t get the magic 40%? [...]