Michael Noonan, alleged Minister for Finance, today welcomed what he called the initiative by the leaders of France and Germany to implement a lightning response to the most serious recession in living memory, only four years after it started. French President Sarkozy responded, “Michelle who?”
The French President and German Chancellor are proposing yet another layer of Eurozone bureaucracy, consisting of a twice yearly ‘jolly’ for heads of stateand led by European Council President, Herman Van Rompuy, an avid Elvis fan. Despite exhaustive investigations not a single achievement of note can be attributed to Mr Van Rompuy, but he does hold a lot of meetings, so that’s alright then.
President Sarkozy and Chancellor Merkel are to propose that all 17 eurozone countries make national legal provisions for budgetary stability by next summer or thereabouts in an attempt to coerce national politicians towards fiscal responsibility. Not including the Italians though, who will simply ignore any directives not involving BungaBunga.To the sound of raucous laughter Mr Noonan said the initiative reaffirmed an ‘absolute determination’ to defend the euro, although we may all be forced to sell a body part to do so. Mr Noonan said that thanks to exceptional drafting of legislation undertaken by the far sighted government of Mr Cowan,the Department of Finance will be crossing the I’s and dotting the t’s of the fiscal responsibility bill as soon as Mrs Doyle’s gone round with the tea and sticky buns.
Chancellor Merkel said eurobonds were not answer to the debt crisis ‘today’ and then whispered, “Ditch the skinny bitch Nicolas unt I’ll show you ze bedroom blitzkrieg!”
President Sarkozy said France and Germany were at one on the issue, but that the French government reserved the right to say “F**k the lot of you, unless you do it our way!” Most European stock markets ended down this evening as investors awaited the outcome of a private meeting between Mr Sarkozy and Mrs Merkel from which the sounds of animalistic love making could be heard. Mrs Merkel’s aide quipped, “They’re now doing to each other, what they’re about to do to us all – again.”
Image Sorce: Reuters
Post written in the interest of humour and not as a factual piece. All ideas and quotes are fictional.